I think this sort of writing here is actually a desiring sort of writing but un-directed and not-in need of a response. I don't need to know who you are or why you read, even though I've intimately made this for you. The internet has always been about intimacy for me because distance is already sort of built in (you can't really press closely to anything if you try). So distance and intimacy sorta telescope into each other or produce contradictions within each other.
Having a crush on someone is a sum gain, you get to know and care about someone and become acquainted with their mode of being. It's always arriving. Though, there's this perception of crushing as a form of waiting… that it makes you subordinate to the other, to long for something is to be at the mercy of it. I look back on things I've done and see all the people I've loved. Maybe desire manifests in the will to be more like someone or something, or maybe it points to a latent way of being that you haven't permitted yourself to acknowledge or enact. So desire might be the tip of an iceberg person you are becoming/ the heart moves towards things it can't help it / loving something transforms it
